Perspectives

Perspectives are powerful. The point of view that a person has greatly affects his or her experiences. For example, if you play music loudly, your perspective will be very different to that of your sleeping neighbor! If several people experience the same event, their varying perspectives will shape how they remember it.

If we cannot change our situation, perhaps we can “reframe” it. If I’m stuck in a traffic jam, I could complain and gripe or I could use the time to catch up on phone calls, listen to music, or make a mental list of things to do that day. Reframing frees up our energy to be productive and keep our lives moving forward.

Making a conscious decision to choose our perspectives is one of the most powerful things we can do. Can you think of areas in your life where changing your perspective would be helpful?

Effective Feedback

People are often wary of feedback because it is sometimes criticism in disguise. However, true, non-judgmental feedback is a wonderful tool to help learn about yourself.

I’ve been disempowered by feedback that is overly critical without offering a solution. I need to know how to improve or feedback is simply criticism. Feedback in the coaching environment is valuable because it offers a non-judgmental view of a situation. People can often see things in a new light, especially if they know they are not being judged. When a person is not judged, he or she is less defensive and more receptive to information.

Power Listening

Listening is tougher than it sounds! I’m learning great things about paying attention and actually hearing what people are saying. I’ve been trying to be a better listener in my daily interactions with people. It’s tough! I have the same feeling when I try to be a good listener as when I’m speaking a foreign language: it’s not a natural skill, and it takes concentration. But it’s rewarding to learn about people, let them know you care about what they are saying, and maybe be truly heard in return.

I learned two important things about listening today. A technique called BATHE helps me actually listen, not simply hear someone talking.

Background – What’s going on?
Affect – How do you feel about it?
Troubling – What troubles you the most about it?
Help – How are you coping? Is there anything I can do to help?
Empathy – It must be…….

Hearing and listening might seem like synonyms, but I differentiate them. Hearing something is being aware of sounds. Listening is active, not passive, and it includes interpreting the feelings and emotions and meanings behind the words.

I also remembered the words “in the moment.” It’s so valuable for coaches to put aside distractions and opinions and be attentive. Giving someone all your attention doesn’t happen often, but is a true gift.

Sample Coaching

I am a coach. I used to call myself an aspiring coach until I realized that I already DID coach people. I didn’t always receive payment for my coaching, but I have always enjoyed helping people and am a sounding board for my friends and family. Does a salary make one a coach, or is it the act of being a coach – the skill involved and the desire to help – that qualifies someone? I choose the latter.

Coaching is intimate and personal and there’s a level of trust that needs to exist before clients want to be coached. I am thankful to the people who take that chance. I hope they are proud to have done so too.

Let me know if you would like a sample session so you can find out what coaching is and if it’s right for you.

Principles of Coaching

In order to help other human beings move forward in life and reach their goals, a coach must possess several qualities:

• Be non-judgmental (I think of where the client is, not where I am).
• Focus on the future (I look at where the client is going, not where he or she has come from).
• Be action-oriented (I want to help clients get things done, not talk about wouldas or couldas). 

In order for me to be an effective coach, I will:

• Be committed to living my own life to the fullest. Only then, can I help my clients reach their potential.
• Speak the truth and be honest in all my activities, especially in my coaching practice.
• Live according to my values. I do as I say.
• Work with my own coach so I can strive to achieve greatness in my own life.
• Give myself to others without giving myself away.
• Exercise compassion for those around me.
• Inspire others to live life to the fullest too.