Trust vs. Doubt

Trusting is a matter of shifting one’s perspective and letting go of doubts. Learning to trust in life and the opportunities it provides can instill confidence and security. When people feel safe and assured, they are likely to live a positive life and take action in all areas of it.

 

But banishing doubt is hard to do. Sometimes this can be done by shifting perspectives. Do you think things are wrong? What if, instead of right and wrong, you saw the benefits to every situation? Focusing on what is working, can help us move forward and trust that things are working for the better.

 

Life isn’t perfect, but it’s perfectly flawed. Finding the “good” part of problems is a way to help maintain momentum in life and not be sidetracked with doubt. Seeing the perfectness of life and trusting that things are always working together for the better might seem like a “Pollyanna” view, but it is helpful. It can take away pressure and free our minds so they can focus on more productive endeavors.

 

Being doubt-filled and focusing on what could go wrong, we spend less time working on what will go right. Worrying creates doubt, but being grateful for the opportunities we do have can move us forward.

Game vs. Significance

Let’s have fun!

Have you ever been told to “lighten up”? When people told me that, I used to become defensive. But I’ve since learned that even important situations can be handled in a light, fun way. Creating a game and having fun can bring a joy to everyday events and reduce the stress associated with negative ones.

I once had a long list of documents to gather and prepare for immigration. Compiling letters, birth certificates, records of marriage, and tax information sounds less than fun. However, I turned it into a game. I knew I could gather the information; the stress was in the mundane aspect of it. So I made a list and played a matching game! Could I match up every item on the list with a corresponding document? Could I complete the list in a week? Could I gather the papers in alphabetical order? Get the marriage license before the tax records? Sure! And I made it fun.

I sometimes like to think of a worst-case scenario. Once I am aware of how bad things could be – and I know they won’t get that bad – then I can move forward in a light way, confident that I can handle any scenario.

Games can significantly alter one’s perspective. Try it. It’s fun!

Responding vs. Reacting

There is a profound difference between responding and reacting, but the difference might not be immediately apparent. Reacting is a reflex, like a knee jerk. Responding is a well thought-out action. All of us have a host of external influences over which we have little to no control over. Traffic jams, rude people, unexpected bills, troubles at work, and the list goes on. The good news is that we can choose how to respond to uncontrollable events.

If I am being bumped and shoved on the bus, I can react with annoyance, or I can respond by moving to another area of the bus, or by taking a less crowded one. I cannot always choose the circumstances of my life, but I can choose how I respond. And when I respond, instead of react, I feel a greater sense of control – over my own emotions and actions.

By being in control, I have an opportunity to reflect and assess. How do I feel about this? Why? With such insight, I can let go of negative emotions and move forward in life.

When you feel overwhelmed or bother by situations in life, it can help to make a list of what’s bothering you. Ask yourself what your reaction was to the event. Why do you instinctively react that way? What would be an appropriate response?

By making a list you can help yourself become more aware of what is happening around you. That awareness can help you change the way you deal with situations. You can learn to respond appropriately.

Respect vs. Invalidation

To respect someone is to hold them in high regard, and value them. Everyone can benefit from being treated with respect. When we don’t respect someone, we invalidate them – we treat them as valueless.

Sometimes people invalidate others if the other people hold different belief systems. Practicing a different religion or having an alternative lifestyle are some obvious differences. But there are subtle differences as well. Different ways of communicating, different fashion styles, taste in music, food, or hobbies are areas where people sometimes invalidate others. To truly respect others, we must value and appreciate our differences.

To respect others, I strive to be on time, to be polite and thankful, to listen, to withhold judgment, and to speak the truth. To respect myself, I honor my physical and spiritual needs, I eat well, I take care of my body, and I manage my time and finances in a way that lowers my stress.

To teach other to respect us, we must set personal boundaries and let them know what I will and won’t tolerate. I am working on strengthening boundaries by asking people to be punctual, truthful, and communicative.

What are your personal boundaries? How can you be respected and respect others?

Responsibility vs. Blame

Do you believe that there is one truth? In regard to taking responsibility, there are many perspectives and opinions. It is easy to think that your opinion is the truth.

Responsibility is chosen. People sometimes shift responsibility to someone else, but this is simply a form of blaming. When people judge their actions as wrong, they are blaming themselves. Even if there are improvements to be made in one’s life of the choices someone makes, taking responsibility is much more effective than blaming.

Truth vs. Fraud

Do you tell the truth? Always?

If there are times when you don’t always tell the truth, consider keeping a Truth journal: What you said, what you actually thought, what you could have said. You can use the journal to identify when you ”fudge” the truth, why you do it, and how you can be honest in a non-hurtful way.

Telling the truth is liberating and can bring you closer to your friends and family. Once they know you’re honest, the trust levels rise.

Remember, also, that there are many opinions, but you can learn to refrain from judging situations and simply look at the facts.

Commitment vs. Trying

I’ve always thought that trying was a good thing; however, I’m learning about how trying is disempowering. We either do things (commit to them) or we don’t. Even if we fail (I didn’t finish climbing Mount Everest, for example), we should still be committed to the action.

If I ask you to pick me up after work and you say you’ll try, I won’t feel confident that you’ll follow through. If you commit to picking me up and say “I will,” then I have confidence that you’ve taken responsibility for picking me up.

From now on, when you want to do something, commit to it. Don’t try to go to the gym, commit to going to the gym. Don’t try to get a new job, commit to finding one. Then, you become accountable for your actions and direction and success. Committing is a powerful thing!

Action vs. Delay

Goethe wrote that “Action has magic, grace and power in it.” So true! It is so energizing and fulfilling to act. Let’s do something about the things that are on our minds. Instead of thinking about it, do it! Instead of wishing things would change, be the catalyst for change.

I am striving to be an active – even proactive – person. Changes can be small, everyday things. We don’t have to make every change in our lives earth-shattering changes. But taking responsibility for our own lives and shaping them is a wonderful thing.