Underlying Automatic Commitments

Underlying Automatic Commitments (UACs) are a set of beliefs of judgments that we hold about ourselves, our world, or the people in our lives. They are subconscious commitments, not something we deliberately choose to commit to, like a marriage, job, or weight loss goal.

 People who constantly have the same outcomes in life – they can’t keep a job, their relationships are always dysfunctional, they have money problems – might be dealing with UACs. To overcome the UAC and move forward in life, people should ask themselves, “how is this serving me?” When people can identify the UAC and find out what it proves, they can gain the power to do something about it.

 If I have a desire to lose weight but I don’t do to the gym, I am not committed to my weight-loss goal; I’m committed to lying on the sofa! By finding out why I’m committed to lying around (maybe I feel like I don’t deserve to look good), I can address the reasons behind the UAC and make a conscious choice to commit to a healthier alternative.

Advanced Coaching

Part of delving deeper into coaching is using advanced techniques to help clients reach their full potential. Setting goals is important, although not everyone who hires a coach needs help with goals. Creating the life you want is important too, and can be done through goals, although it doesn’t have to. For example, people can surround themselves with a network of people who encourage them.

People need to look at their values and see how their lives align to them. Some great things to have in life are good health, solid finances, respect, a beautiful dwelling, healthy boundaries, the ability to say no, to ask for what you want, and to tell the truth. Sometimes simple pleasures are better than grand goals that will make the neighbors envious but don’t nourish you.

 Picture the life you want, let your enthusiasm for that life grow, and go for it!

Cross Cultural Coaching

When working with clients of different cultures it’s especially important to be sensitive of their perspectives. Cultural differences may arise, and as a coach, I need to be sensitive to these differences. Some areas that I anticipate differences are language, aging, humor, accessibility, levels of openness, gender issues and roles, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, ways of handling time, exchanging money, levels of formality.

As a coach, it’s my responsibility to approach coaching sessions in an unbiased manner. In cross cultural coaching, this is equally true. I must make a concerted effort not to let stereotypes affect my viewpoint. People from every walk of life, and from every culture, can benefit from an open and understanding coach, who listens, asks powerful questions, empathizes, and helps clients focus on action.

Empowering the Coaching Relationship

People who hire a coach are usually highly coachable. They sought me out, they set the pace and standards for the sessions, and they are motivated to change and meet their goals. However, sometimes, people are not truly coachable. They might not complete their fieldwork, they might skip sessions, and they might be late with payments. If these issues arise, it’s a good opportunity to ask clients about what’s holding them back and if these issues are affecting other areas of their lives.

If clients are not blocked by a lack of commitment to coaching, and they are following expectations set by both of us early in the coaching relationship, then coaching is a positive and beneficial experience.

I expect my clients to tell the truth, pay on time, be on time, and give advanced notice for any sessions that need to be rescheduled. My clients have different expectations of me, some of which are being honest, being nonjudgmental, listening carefully, acknowledging their successes, holding them accountable, and providing feedback.

I am a facilitator and peer of my clients. I expect clients to be responsible for the outcome of their coaching sessions. If they drive the sessions and set the bar, they are likely to meet their goals. I’m not here to give advice, punish, or demand.

I encourage my clients to participate in fieldwork and keep their lives moving forward in between sessions. I’m also open to feedback – if I can learn from my clients, I can improve the quality of my sessions.  

Using My Coaching Model

In the Advanced I section, I outlined my coaching model – a visual representation of how I coach. My model explains what I do during a coaching session. Of course each client is unique, and sessions are tailored accordingly. However, there is an outline that I like to follow to make sure clients are getting the most out of each session. The model I outlined earlier is:

Client: Issue/Goal -> obstacles -> priorities -> follow-through -> results!
Coach: listen, question, feedback, encourage

Specifically, I like to start each session by asking my clients about achievements, wins, and celebrations they’ve experienced since our last meeting. This sets the session up on a positive note and enables me to acknowledge my clients for their achievements.

Next, I ask clients what they’d like to cover in this session. My clients lead the discussion, while I listen and ask appropriate questions to help them discover the best course of action for them, at that time. This implies that there is no right or wrong; there is only the most appropriate action for them at this moment.

After working through issues and obstacles, I ask my clients about their action plan for the week. This helps them continue their momentum and reach their goals. In the next session, I’ll check in with them to see how well they completed their plan.

Structures

People run their lives through structures. Some structures are beneficial (keeping a tidy home, going to the gym regularly), and other structures keep us from reaching our goals. These, negative structures are self-sabotaging. Perhaps we are not committed to success, but failure. It sounds odd, but it happens. Look around at everything in your life. Do the things surrounding you support a healthy structure or are they keeping you committed to the wrong things. If you say you are committed to getting fit, but your cupboards are full of cookies, your structure won’t support your desire to get fit.

It’s easy to justify the structures that don’t support us, but if people can remove those unhealthy structures and replace them with healthy ones, they can begin to meet their goals. A good support structure – things and people that are positive influences – is necessary for us to succeed.

Celebrating!

Celebrating accomplishments – even small ones – is a great way to reward yourself and keep motivated as you move on to bigger challenges. It’s important to recognize the progress you’ve made and celebrate it. Many times, people get wrapped up in meeting bigger and better challenges and forget to appreciate how far they’ve come.

Celebrating accomplishments of all sizes can help people can live joyful lives. There are a lot of ways to celebrate, including getting a massage, taking time for oneself (read a book, go for a walk, take a leisurely bath), take a trip, go out for a meal. Even keeping a gratitude journal is helpful. It can remind us of all the great things in our lives. Can you think of other ways to celebrate?

It’s also fun to celebrate other events, not only accomplishments. Other reasons to celebrate are: after trying something new, after taking a risk, after letting go of something that isn’t serving you.

Reframing

Why? It’s a simple question, but it can open up a new way of thinking. Powerful questions such as “why” are an integral part of the reframing technique. A coach who can help clients reframe is a wonderful resource. 

Reframing isn’t about changing our clients’ opinions; it’s about looking at situations in a new light. Questioning our beliefs is valuable. If clients can think of the “why” behind the “what” they can start to understand the situation from a new perspective. And in that new perspective – that reframing - clients can be led to an “aha” moment, where clients gain clarity and can enable themselves to move forward through issues.  

Truth Telling

The truth seems like a concrete thing, but it can be very subjective. For example, I believe things based on what I believe to be true. They are truths to me. However, if you know different pieces of information, you might have a different version of the truth. With knowledge, the concrete, objective truth can reveal itself. But, opinions can shape the truth too! 

As a coach, I tell the truth as I see it. And I expect my clients to tell me the truth too. I have an obligation to my clients to maintain a confidential relationship with them. Nothing they say in the coaching sessions is repeated without their permission. 

Many people are afraid that telling the truth will expose them and make them vulnerable. Being in a safe coaching environment, devoid of judgment and rejection, is a great place for people to practice truth-telling. Truth without fear is a powerful thing.

Powerful Questions

Powerful questions and active listening are two sides of the same coin. Coaches listen a lot and encourage their clients to do the speaking. However, in order to initiate a productive dialog, coaches need to learn how to effectively use powerful questions.

There is no secret formula for questioning clients. The key is to actively listen, and go with the flow of the sessions. Asking questions that help clients reflect on how they are doing, and decide where they are going is a tremendous enabler.

Sometimes people need a line of questioning that helps them shift their perspectives or see things in a new light. A coach can take conversation in directions that clients might not have anticipated. This can open up a whole new line of thinking and help clients learn about themselves, make decisions, and reach their goals.

Powerful questions are Socratic in nature. The client has the ability to get to the answer they are seeking. A good coach will help them arrive at their destination effortlessly.

Next time you are facing a block or dilemma, ask yourself some powerful questions:

• How is this serving me?
• How am I contributing to the problem?
• What can I learn from this situation?
• How do I define success?
• What’s the worst – and best – case scenario?
• How can I move forward?