Trust vs. Doubt

Trusting is a matter of shifting one’s perspective and letting go of doubts. Learning to trust in life and the opportunities it provides can instill confidence and security. When people feel safe and assured, they are likely to live a positive life and take action in all areas of it.

 

But banishing doubt is hard to do. Sometimes this can be done by shifting perspectives. Do you think things are wrong? What if, instead of right and wrong, you saw the benefits to every situation? Focusing on what is working, can help us move forward and trust that things are working for the better.

 

Life isn’t perfect, but it’s perfectly flawed. Finding the “good” part of problems is a way to help maintain momentum in life and not be sidetracked with doubt. Seeing the perfectness of life and trusting that things are always working together for the better might seem like a “Pollyanna” view, but it is helpful. It can take away pressure and free our minds so they can focus on more productive endeavors.

 

Being doubt-filled and focusing on what could go wrong, we spend less time working on what will go right. Worrying creates doubt, but being grateful for the opportunities we do have can move us forward.

Empowering the Coaching Relationship

People who hire a coach are usually highly coachable. They sought me out, they set the pace and standards for the sessions, and they are motivated to change and meet their goals. However, sometimes, people are not truly coachable. They might not complete their fieldwork, they might skip sessions, and they might be late with payments. If these issues arise, it’s a good opportunity to ask clients about what’s holding them back and if these issues are affecting other areas of their lives.

If clients are not blocked by a lack of commitment to coaching, and they are following expectations set by both of us early in the coaching relationship, then coaching is a positive and beneficial experience.

I expect my clients to tell the truth, pay on time, be on time, and give advanced notice for any sessions that need to be rescheduled. My clients have different expectations of me, some of which are being honest, being nonjudgmental, listening carefully, acknowledging their successes, holding them accountable, and providing feedback.

I am a facilitator and peer of my clients. I expect clients to be responsible for the outcome of their coaching sessions. If they drive the sessions and set the bar, they are likely to meet their goals. I’m not here to give advice, punish, or demand.

I encourage my clients to participate in fieldwork and keep their lives moving forward in between sessions. I’m also open to feedback – if I can learn from my clients, I can improve the quality of my sessions.  

Using My Coaching Model

In the Advanced I section, I outlined my coaching model – a visual representation of how I coach. My model explains what I do during a coaching session. Of course each client is unique, and sessions are tailored accordingly. However, there is an outline that I like to follow to make sure clients are getting the most out of each session. The model I outlined earlier is:

Client: Issue/Goal -> obstacles -> priorities -> follow-through -> results!
Coach: listen, question, feedback, encourage

Specifically, I like to start each session by asking my clients about achievements, wins, and celebrations they’ve experienced since our last meeting. This sets the session up on a positive note and enables me to acknowledge my clients for their achievements.

Next, I ask clients what they’d like to cover in this session. My clients lead the discussion, while I listen and ask appropriate questions to help them discover the best course of action for them, at that time. This implies that there is no right or wrong; there is only the most appropriate action for them at this moment.

After working through issues and obstacles, I ask my clients about their action plan for the week. This helps them continue their momentum and reach their goals. In the next session, I’ll check in with them to see how well they completed their plan.

Structures

People run their lives through structures. Some structures are beneficial (keeping a tidy home, going to the gym regularly), and other structures keep us from reaching our goals. These, negative structures are self-sabotaging. Perhaps we are not committed to success, but failure. It sounds odd, but it happens. Look around at everything in your life. Do the things surrounding you support a healthy structure or are they keeping you committed to the wrong things. If you say you are committed to getting fit, but your cupboards are full of cookies, your structure won’t support your desire to get fit.

It’s easy to justify the structures that don’t support us, but if people can remove those unhealthy structures and replace them with healthy ones, they can begin to meet their goals. A good support structure – things and people that are positive influences – is necessary for us to succeed.

The Trial Session

As a coach, I offer potential clients a complimentary trial session. A free coaching session takes the risk out of coaching and gives people a chance to see if I’m a good fit for them. It’s exciting for me to meet people who have never had a coach and who are looking forward to talking with me and planning for big life changes. 

The objectives of the introductory session are: introducing clients to coaching; connecting with clients to see if we are a good fit; clarifying the coaching process; and setting up expectations.

Before a coaching session, I’ll send clients reading material so they can prepare for their sessions. If, after a complimentary session, a client likes the concept of coaching, I can schedule a series of sessions. I want people to know that because every person is unique, every life coaching session is different. I tailor sessions to meet the needs of my clients. I will never criticize or judge; I respect the opinions of my clients. I am your ally; committed and willing to help you achieve your full potential.

Celebrating!

Celebrating accomplishments – even small ones – is a great way to reward yourself and keep motivated as you move on to bigger challenges. It’s important to recognize the progress you’ve made and celebrate it. Many times, people get wrapped up in meeting bigger and better challenges and forget to appreciate how far they’ve come.

Celebrating accomplishments of all sizes can help people can live joyful lives. There are a lot of ways to celebrate, including getting a massage, taking time for oneself (read a book, go for a walk, take a leisurely bath), take a trip, go out for a meal. Even keeping a gratitude journal is helpful. It can remind us of all the great things in our lives. Can you think of other ways to celebrate?

It’s also fun to celebrate other events, not only accomplishments. Other reasons to celebrate are: after trying something new, after taking a risk, after letting go of something that isn’t serving you.

Reframing

Why? It’s a simple question, but it can open up a new way of thinking. Powerful questions such as “why” are an integral part of the reframing technique. A coach who can help clients reframe is a wonderful resource. 

Reframing isn’t about changing our clients’ opinions; it’s about looking at situations in a new light. Questioning our beliefs is valuable. If clients can think of the “why” behind the “what” they can start to understand the situation from a new perspective. And in that new perspective – that reframing - clients can be led to an “aha” moment, where clients gain clarity and can enable themselves to move forward through issues.  

Truth Telling

The truth seems like a concrete thing, but it can be very subjective. For example, I believe things based on what I believe to be true. They are truths to me. However, if you know different pieces of information, you might have a different version of the truth. With knowledge, the concrete, objective truth can reveal itself. But, opinions can shape the truth too! 

As a coach, I tell the truth as I see it. And I expect my clients to tell me the truth too. I have an obligation to my clients to maintain a confidential relationship with them. Nothing they say in the coaching sessions is repeated without their permission. 

Many people are afraid that telling the truth will expose them and make them vulnerable. Being in a safe coaching environment, devoid of judgment and rejection, is a great place for people to practice truth-telling. Truth without fear is a powerful thing.

Powerful Requests

Powerful requests are a call to action. In order to achieve great things, people sometimes need a gentle push from inaction to action. Coaches can “push” clients by providing powerful requests. Requests are like contracts. Client can choose not to accept them, but if they do accept them, they will have another form of accountability in their lives.

A request can help people reach their full potential, take risks, and grow. A bold, powerful request combined with fieldwork –assigned tasks – can help clients move forward and reach their goals. It can be as simple as “I request that you go to the gym three times this week.” A fun, challenge is a good way to jump-start clients who are not moving forward in life. Working on specific requests between sessions helps clients stay focused.

Being supportive and offering challenges are two ways that a coach can motivate clients. A powerful request is a challenge; being available to support clients and help them meet the request is equally important.

Accountability

Holding ourselves accountable for our actions is a way to be responsible to ourselves. Holding other accountable for their actions towards us is a way to gain respect and be treated fairly. Self-accountability must come first. If you “do as you say and do” then others will have an easier time following your actions.

For example, if you vow to tell the truth, be on time, and speak constructively, do it! Your example will be far-reaching. If others need to learn your limits, they will have an easier time doing so if they see that you respect yourself and honor your own requests.

Setting up boundaries is helpful, if you want others to respect you and be held accountable. If you don’t want a friend to keep you waiting, speak up. Request that he or she respects your time. Consistency is important, though. Don’t sometimes allow the behavior and other times complain about it. Tell your friend what the consequences will be and follow through.

How do you feel when you don’t hold yourself accountable? How do you feel when you don’t hold others accountable? How does it feel when others respect your boundaries? Keep those feelings in mind next time you set up accountability.